High Point/Low Point: 2013 Golden Globes Red Carpet Edition

Considering NBC devoted an entire hour to red carpet coverage before the Golden Globes event itself, it’s clear the reason we watch is to vicariously live out our unfulfilled prom fantasies for the clothes.  And who doesn’t like to sit back and evaluate others from the comfort of our couch 3000 miles away.  I can just feel the Spanx.

So, in the spirit of gossip and keeping mankind moving forward, I am sharing my Golden Globe High Points and Low Points and hoping you will share yours in return.

HIGH POINTS

1. Amy.  

Tina’s no slouch either, but it was Amy’s night thanks to a battery of zingy one liners.

2. Restraint.

A refreshing, yet stark contrast to the highly sequined skin parade that normally scorches our eyes on the red carpet.  While I liked this elegant departure,  everybody looked kinda the same.  As if all the celebrity stylists went to a team building offsite and decided a handful of key elements would float down the red carpet this year.  To wit:

Sleeves and covered decolletage on Julianne, Nicole, Helen and Savannah

Nude fishtail, nude fishtail, nude fishtail on Isla, Hayden, Megan, Amy and Amanda

Screw the jewels on Kristen, Anne, Jessica, Sienna and Stacey.

3. The case against breast implants.

Why would you ever improve on the perfection seen on Amy Poehler, Eva Longoria, Kate Hudson and Kristen Wiig?  Especially when you can rock a neckline like this.  P.S. Eva, stick your leg back in.

4. Clare Danes in postpartum red.

5. Christoph Walz, professional underdog.

Here’s to the actor, not the celebrity.

6. Kristen Wigg and Will Ferrell.  For existing.  Salmon, marigolds, silver.  “You get OUT!!!!” 

7. Adele’s mum’s night out.  Yeah, exactly how I kick it when I get a night out with the grlzz.

8. Lena Dunham’s reaction to Bill Clinton.

There’s a little shock and awe left in all of us, even in Hollywood.

9. Silver foxes.  Daniel, George, Richard, Bill.  No fair, men are allowed to get old.  Except George who is dipped in preservative.

 10. Jodie Foster is…50?

You know when someone dies and you’re like, “wow, I thought they died a few years ago”.  Well, that’s how I felt about Jodie’s coming out speech.   Not to mention, I missed the intro and for a few minutes thought it was Helen Hunt having a socially awkward “I’m gay moment”.   I couldn’t figure it out, but I’m good now.  So Jodi, you’re gay.  Doesn’t make me love you any less. Never did.

But wow….you’re 50!?  You’re real and you’re spectacular.

LOW POINTS

1. Lucy Lui

Working with the Von Trappe family stylist.

2. Anne Hathaway’s faux-mility (fake humility).  And use of the word blurg.

Hey Anne, your overachiever is showing.  We know you nailed it after 4 takes, but kept filming for another 8 hours just in case.  You earned that sucker. We know that.  Who’s to say you won’t wind up on a box of Wheaties.  And we know, you know you deserve it, so just own it already.  P.S. Loved the dress.

 3.  Please, no more…..

…older women trying too hard.  Like Jennifer Lopez’s dress.  We get it.  You would look good wearing eczema.  Now do something that will really surprise us.

…half skirts.  Is this the red carpet version of the mullet skirt?  Please, no.  It takes a beautiful woman and visually cuts her in half.  No one looks good cut in half.

…Angel-legging.  Especially on you surprisingly orange Lea Michelle.  The leg is a distracting accessory with all that other stuff you’ve got going on.  Now stick it back in.  Equally guilty are Halle Berry, and Eva Longoria.

…young women looking stuffy.  Scarlett Johansson used to suffer from this.  Case in point; Zooey’s matching pearl necklace and bracelet felt very Boston, while Amanda was lost in the colorless lace dress that made her look ghostly.  One the other hand, you’ve got stunning Jessica Alba looking too Mar-A-Largo circa 1986.  You’re all to young and pretty to be overdoing it on the stuff.  Let you come thru.

4.  Jay Leno; comedy’s glass ceiling?

When asked about Tina and Amy hosting, he responded “they’re two of the funniest women I know”. Jay, you meant two of the funniest people you know, right?

I don’t want to pick on Jay, I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.  That statement made me wince though, because historically women in comedy were seen as the second fiddle to their male counterparts.  And if they were in comedy, they had to be funny looking too.  But, thanks to a decade of incredible female talent like Tina, Amy, Kristen, Julia, Sandra, Sophia, Julie, Lena, Melissa, Rebel, Maya and Mindy, I thought we established that if you’re funny, you’re funny no matter what.

And on this night of all night.  His words made me wonder if all this progress was just a baby step.  Ouch.

OK, game on. What were your Golden Globes Hight Points and Low Points?

Photos

• Huffington Post
• Getty
• Wire Image
• AP
• NBC

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